Reasons Lou (Pat’s mom) Would Hate India

100. The heat (and humidity, depending on the city/region)

            a) At 111° and bone dry humidity, you’re still going to sweat!

            b) Blinding sun all day long

            c) Southern India (Mumbai) is beastly hot due to humidity. You get the sense everything is fermenting

99. The traffic

            a) The car horn cacophony. They don’t use turn signals, they use their car horn to warn other drivers they are passing, and they pass a lot! You listen to car horns all day long.

            b) No such things as “lanes”.  All gaps are instantly filled – if a car can’t fit, a motor scooter will.

            c) Drivers park wherever/whenever, generally at the left side of the road. But it can be a main boulevard. Other cars/scooters just drive around it.

            d) Scooters (motorbikes) and rickshaws are swarming everywhere

98. The toilets

            a) The squat toilets

            b) The western toilets on the trains (where the water in the bowl splashes everywhere as the train jerks and sways)

            c) Toilets that flush for 2 minutes and still leave floaters

97. The crowds everywhere in the cities

96. The elephant ride

            a) Perched on top of the elephant as it inches closer to a sharp drop-off

            b) When the elephant poops

            c) When the elephant in front/next to you poops

            d) When the elephant sprays

95. The animals

            a) The wild dogs

            b) The cows- wherever they want to be

            c) The monkeys- too smart for their own good

            d) The birds- when they fly into and around your restaurant

94. The excrement on the streets

            a) From cows

            b) From dogs

            c) From elephants

            d) From humans

93. The noise

            a) From car horns constantly

            b) From cell phones on full volume on the train, in restaurants, mid-flight, etc.

            c) From Indian men bickering in Hindi over small negotiations

            d) From Indian weddings at night showcasing fireworks and loud Bollywood music

92. The call to prayer

            a) At 5 am when you’re trying to sleep

            b) At 9 am, which is okay

            c) At 1:30 pm when you’re trying to nap

            d) At 7pm, to remind some of us that it’s dinner time

            e) At 9pm when you’re trying to get to sleep

91. The flight to get here. ‘Nuff said!

…Must we go on?

In all fairness, Nana isn’t alone. Laura would hate the bright sun and smothering heat. Bob would be frustrated in Indian food choices because cucumber is ubiquitous. Almost everyone would find the traffic/driving/crossing the street shocking and scary.

That said, there is something intoxicating about India. We’ve moved around here from city to city, so it’s much like someone visiting the US and going to NYC, DC, Houston, and LA- very different cities in terms of people, weather, traffic, customs, etc. There’s a complete blend of poor and rich here, meaning you don’t have “rich” neighborhoods that buffer you from the plight and the reality of the poor. As soon as you walk out the door, it’s a sea of humanity of all economic and social classes and religions blended together. A friend of mine who’s been here before commented that it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience, probably because you’ll only want or need to do it once.

There are many similarities between American and Indian life, but the differences are striking and overwhelming in many ways. When you see entire families of five riding a motor scooter, with a 2 yr old squeezed in front of the driver, and you watch how much finesse and balance and pure guts you need to drive one of these in this traffic, you realize the divide is stark. Everything about daily life here takes you close to the edge…in patience, in safety, and in comfort. It’s invigorating but exhausting.